Happily Ever After?

Happy Ever After? With this new blog we look at all the ways to turn a failing marriage into 'happy ever after'.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

How to Improve Your Marriage

Has your marriage become routine and predictable? Are you spending more time arguing than having fun?
There are so many couples that wish they could recapture past excitement. It’s never too late to rekindle your relationship and improve your marriage. Even if your marriage is currently at rock bottom, there are steps you can take to put things right.
1.    Don’t Keep Things In
No marriage can move on from a stagnant patch without discussion. The first rule of relationship-repair is to talk about the things that are driving you apart.
Try not to dwell on the issue itself but how to resolve it. What changes could each of you make that would make a difference to the other. It might be as simple as listening and taking an interest in what your partner has to say. It could be to hold back on criticisms and negative comments that can become habitual and chip away at your spouse’s confidence.
So often it is just small changes that can make a big difference.
Talking to each other and actually doing something positive about your relationship will put you on a better path and make immediate improvements to your marriage. It will also bring about a sense of relief – unbottling stresses and strains that you are carrying around daily.
2.    Believe Change is Possible
If you are successful in making small changes this also sets the scene for bigger goal setting. There are no simple one-step solutions for saving a marriage. Couples need to identify many steps to removing the causes of dissatisfaction and improving the areas of satisfaction in order to rekindle their romance.
There is an old saying that ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’. Those in a troubled marriage need to first believe it is salvageable before they are motivated to take action.
Setting targets and taking steps to meet them and move on to the next gives a marriage improvement plan a sense of momentum. More than that, it makes both partners see that saving their marriage is an achievable goal.
3.    Move On
Don’t play the blame game. Acknowledge mistakes and then forgive and forget. There’s nothing to gain from ‘winning’ an argument or being ‘right’. It is all irrelevant. You need to see the bigger picture to fix your marriage.
4.    Come Half Way
Successful marriages involve compromise. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Other times you need to find your common ground and learn to meet each other part way.
Fixing marriage is an achievable goal. It’s important to use tried and tested resources to help you understand the strategies you can use to improve your marriage. It’s perfectly possible to save failing marriages, even if only one partner is interested in trying.
If you want to change your marriage for the better, take action today.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

How to Argue in a Marriage

Arguing is an effective way to resolve conflict. The question is, are you arguing in a constructive way?

A Few Tips on How to Argue

It’s so easy to ‘point score’ in an argument and many couples get into the habit of caring more about who wins each bout than in rectifying problems within their marriage.

One way to address this is to ensure that whenever you argue the emphasis is to solve the problem and not to win the argument. This involves taking turns to speak and listening carefully to each other.

Make sure you respect each others feelings and opinions even if you can’t initially find common ground or an obvious solution you are both prepared to accept.

A few more Do’s and Don’ts of Marital Arguments
  •          If someone is at fault and admits it then accept their apology and move on.
  •          Don’t use past misdemeanors in new arguments.  
  •          Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  •          Be short on blame and long on forgiveness.
  •     Talk in a calm voice; don’t shout or get angry or over-emotional.
Learning how to argue could just be the strategy you need to save your marriage today
It's never to late to save a marriage; the first step is learning how.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Common Reasons for Marriage Break Ups

There are all sorts of reasons that marriages break up. Some simmer away for years before becoming a major issue that starts to destroy a marriage. Others are recent events that have a detrimental effect on the partnership.

The most commonly cited reasons for marital break-ups include: . 
  • unresolved conflicts that come back to haunt
  • extra-marital affairs 
  • lack of physical closeness and intimacy 
  • excessive fighting 
  • ineffective communication or lack of it
  • not enough quality time due to busy schedules
  • a suffocating partner
  • issues with children
  • financial issues
  • gradual drifting apart; deterioration of the relationship/friendship
This list is not exhaustive but certainly represents the vast majority of marital break-ups.

If any of these issues is within your marriage don't assume you are heading for the divorce courts. Many couples, with help, counselling or training, can learn to address these issues and put things right.

You may have one or more of these issues affecting your marriage. However gloomy things seem, do take the time to seek help and save your marriage today.

Saturday, 1 January 2011

I or We?

One way to get a marriage back on track is to put some focus on the two 'I's' within a marriage rather than the 'we'.

It might sound like the opposite advice you might be expecting but two unhappy people will find it hard to make the transition into a happy couple.

Don't Worry Be Happy!
If things aren't going right for you within or outside of your marriage, don’t wallow in your unhappiness. The first step to making positive changes in your life is to make every effort to build your confidence and independence.

Sometimes by putting the focus on yourself and making changes in your life that make you individually fulfilled and positive, it can take the pressure off your marriage.

Another positive benefit of concentrating on yourself is that a contented partner is always more attractive. By working on your own stresses and problems you can inject a positive feel into your marriage that kick starts other changes. 

So before you write off your marriage, have a think about what you can change in your own day to day life; it may enable you to start to get your love back.

Happily Ever After?

With this new blog we look at all the ways to turn a failing marriage into 'happy ever after'.